In 1996 my baby sister was born and 87 days later she passed away because of S.I.D.S. (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). I was then inspired to change from writing poetry to writing songs. The best way I could cope besides listening to music was actually write stories or songs myself. So, I decided to write one for my sister explaining to my family why she had to leave. I had little influence from religion or anything (besides doing things in church for Easter and Christmas). This story was rather convincing and sounds fairy-tale but can also be a spiritual truth. To this day I don't know if I wrote it or if God wrote it through me.
It was then I realized I had a talent to give people emotions and feelings through my lyrics. I wanted to teach people my knowledge and vision as well as share the experiences I lived through. Don't get me wrong, living in the SF Bay Area wasn't too hard since I wasn't being raised by the streets. But I did see lots of interesting events that inspired me to live right. When I brought home some bad grades my uncle (a sheriff) took me to the juvenile delinquent facility to show me where bad kids go when they don't succeed and fall into the gang lifestyle or the streets. This scared me to stay out of trouble.
Now, going back to 1996 I was strongly influenced by the music of 2pac and witnessed his death just the month before my baby sister's. This made me question the God which 2pac talked about and made me ask if I was going to heaven. I was scared and shocked at only 14 years old from losing my sister. Her passing although some would think it would lead me to God, it actually lead me to music. And even though you would think 2pac would inspire me to make music, he inspired me to pursue God and see what religion was all about.
After looking for answers about life and death, I found my way to a church one Friday night. I went because of Pizza and Peer Pressure. Ironic. But I left with the knowledge that confessing my sins, and asking forgiveness could lead me to salvation. It wasn't just that but I confessed that I knew with my heart, mind and soul that Jesus Christ died for our sins and rose from the dead. I had no doubts, no fears, nothing. I was feeling nothing but peace and serenity. I left and was attacked by demons right away to backslide and fall back into the flames I swam in.
That was in 1998. Not until 2002 did I know I was a Christian Rapper. I thought I was just a Christian that rapped about positive things and kept my lyrics what people call "G-Rated". My producer and coworker at the time engaged conversation with me and shared his views. His father is a Pastor and he knew a Child of God when he sees one. He obviously saw that I was of God. With conviction he exclaimed with passion that I wasn't just a west coast underground rapper. But that I was to bring and share the message of God through my music and with my lyrics.
I strongly disagreed. I didn't want a label. I didn't want to be called Christian Rap. I just wanted to be an individual. Unique and true to myself. I couldn't be more selfish. After 6 months I finally saw what God's plan for me was. To make music. To be Christian. And share the goodness and positive energy. This was my purpose all along. This got me to where I needed to start my journey. This was my beginning. I'm a messenger. I am a representation of Christ and God's Love. I am a window for the people of the world to look through and see GOD!
This isn't an easy calling. Trying to live right. Trying to be Christian meant striving for perfection. I later realized I didn't have to be perfect but just be selfless and respect that I am saved by a man who was and is perfect. I've been attacked ever since I picked up a pen and grabbed the mic. I've been all over the spectrum. It's been rough. I had an affect and I have influenced on people. Sometimes in good ways and sometimes in bad ways. But nevertheless I remain a servant of Christ. I still learn daily. I still sin.
It almost feels like my music is most enjoyed and most inspirational to myself. I mean, I have written songs that I didn't quite get the metaphors right away. But years later I have found the Spirit within my songs just waiting for me to find it again and be filled. My songs might not make you dance. But they do make you think. They remind you to consider the possibilities.
As for religion, I don't pursue any religion. I follow the rules of God the best I can. I don't choose to follow a specific religion. I know by definition I am a Christian. And I know that I pursue a healthy and intimate relationship with our Father. Daily.
(written in November 2006)
